Music Hath Charms: "Post Traumatic" **Trigger Warning**

**Trigger Warning: language, suicide, alcohol/drug use**

For many music fans, 20 July, 2017 will be a day of remembrance due to loss of Chester Bennington. Knowing the impact his death by suicide has had on me personally, as well as many Linkin Park fans, I can't imagine the grief suffered by his bandmates.  Since the death, many musicians have spoken up about their feelings and have dedicated songs and performances in his honour.  Not much has been heard from the survivors of Linkin Park as a whole, but band member Mike Shinoda released a solo album, influenced by his attempt to understand and continue to move forward in light of the loss.  The album 'Post Traumatic' contains stirring lyrics and heart-wrenching music throughout all the songs.  Released as a whole on 15 June, 2018, tracks from the album were pre-released as early as 25 January, 2018, and in December 2018 2 more tracks were included in a release to vinyl.  In total, there are 18 songs that play, with many artists performing songs with Mike.  Like my other music posts, I'm going to take my favourite lyrics and share them with you. This time around, I'm going to try and include my reasons for choosing those particular lyrics. Please let me know if that is something I should continue or if it just adds too much information.

Lyrics are from:  https://genius.com/a/read-all-the-lyrics-to-mike-shinoda-s-new-solo-album-post-traumatic
Use the link if you'd like to see the full lyrics for the songs I've chosen or to see what else is on the album.  The music is amazing and powerful.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Over Again

Post Traumatic (2018)

It was a month since he passed, maybe less
And no one knew what to do, we were such a mess
We were texting, we were calling, we were checking in
...
How do you feel, how you doing, how'd the show go?
Am I insane to say the truth is that I don’t know
My body aches head's spinning this is all wrong
I almost lost it in middle of a couple songs
And everybody that I talk to is like, “wow
Must be really hard to figure what to do now”
Well thank you genius, you think it'll be a challenge
Only my life's work hanging in the fucking balance
And all I wanted was to get a little bit of closure
And every step I took I looked and wasn't any closer
'Cause sometimes when you say goodbye, yeah you say it
Over and over and over and over

I'm in no way famous, but when a friend of mine completed suicide in her home (one town over from ours), every time we drove through the memory was there, and it really was a matter of having to say goodbye each time.  Up until the time we left I had not reconciled the feelings present.

Promises I Can't Keep

Post Traumatic (2018)

What's the difference between a man and a monster
Is it somewhere between "I can" and "I want to"
Is it somewhere between the promises I made
And the fact I couldn't see something getting in the way

[Pre-Chorus]
I used to think that I know what I want
Never saw it coming unglued
I used to think that I know what I want
Now it's time to see if it's true

[Chorus]
I had so much certainty
Till that moment I lost control
And I've tried but it never was up to me
I've got no worse enemy
Than the fear of what's still unknown
And the time's come to realize there will be
Promises I can't keep

[Verse 2]
What's the difference between a loss and a forfeit
I tried to make it better, but I made it more sick
I tried to make it right, but now awake at night
I know reality was getting in the way

I've thought long and hard on the line "Is it somewhere between 'I can' and 'I want to'" and which side of the coin equals man or monster.  I have spent a lot of time in the 'I want to' realm, but only get concerned when I crossover to the 'I can' side of things.  I rarely have much certainty, but when I do, losing control feels like the worst thing in the world.  There have been many times where I thought I was well enough to tackle something but ended up with 'promises I can't keep'.

Crossing A Line

Post Traumatic (2018)

I don’t know how to warn you
For what I’m gonna say
'Cause you’re holding so tight to
What I’m taking away
I got demons inside me
So I’m faced with a choice
Either try to ignore them
Or I give them a voice

[Pre-Chorus]
And it’s keeping me up at night
Worried it’s not alright
Holding back things you don’t know
And it’s keeping me up at night
Worried it’s not alright
You’re not gonna like where this goes

It's much easier some days to ignore the demons inside and try to not let others be hurt by them than it is to give them a voice, where you let everyone know how much you are hurting.  The internal debates can definitely keep you up at night; trying to come up with the best solution that will include honesty but not cause your loved ones to worry is a hard line to know when to cross.

Hold It Together

Post Traumatic (2018)

She said, "Are you okay?"
And I'm staring into space
It's making her nervous cause one thing is certain
I don't have my head on straight
We're trying to get through each week
On two or three hours of sleep
I say to be patient
That we're going to make it
I have to admit that I'm struggling

[Pre-Chorus]
They say take it slow
But the world keeps spinning
And that I don't control
And so there I go
Trying to act normal
So they won't know that…

[Chorus]
I'm just trying to hold my shit together
Together, darling
I'm just trying to hold my shit together
Together, darling

Staring into space, listening to all the noise that's in your head, and as sleep decreases the volume gets turned up until it's deafening.  Getting to the point where I can admit I'm struggling is a huge leap in trusting those around me (but they usually know I'm slipping before I say anything).  Keeping up appearances for as long as possible, and hoping that those outside of my immediate circle don't know anything is wrong seems to be the most important thing in the world.  Sometimes holding my shit together is a full time job and completely exhausting.

Make It Up As I Go

Post Traumatic (2018)

Featuring K. Flay

[Intro 1: K.Flay]
I keep on running backwards
I keep on losing faith
I thought I had the answers
I thought I knew the way

My brother said be patient
My mother held my hand
I don't know what I'm chasing
I don't know who I am

[Verse 1: Mike Shinoda]
Woke up this morning holding my head
Thinking last night is one I'll regret
Washing off the bad decisions, the blurry vision
The clues that I'm still a mess

Spitting out the taste I have in my mouth
Knowing what this all is really about
Knowing there's an explanation, an expiration
I gotta figure shit out

[Pre-Chorus: Mike Shinoda]
And they're asking me if I can see
The darkness down below
And I know it's true, I say I do
When half the time I don't

It's so easy to try and run from what we don't understand and don't want to feel, and sometimes that leads to things we regret when we're stronger or awake.  There is a darkness that is easy to fall into, and sometimes we don't see it until it's too late.  The path unfortunately is not straight forward, and I know I've taken as many steps backwards as forwards at times. But I'm told I have to give myself credit for just keeping going.

Running From My Shadow

Post Traumatic (2018)

Featuring Grandson 

[Verse 1: Mike Shinoda]
Wanna know where I don't go
When it goes from "okay" to a "oh no"
When it goes from hi five to a low blow
When it goes from all five to a solo
Lemme tell you what you don't know
I been down, so low, I was
Looking for something but denying that I found it
There's an elephant sitting in the room
And I can't find another way to tiptoe around it
I been doing greater good for a long time
But I can't find any other way to give now
I been putting myself on the sideline
And it's been time so I'm saying can I live now

There are times when I kick myself
Say I'm not sick but I can't get well
Say I got this while I chase my tail
As if they can't tell

[Chorus: Mike Shinoda]
I'm running from my shadow
Running from my shadow but it's still there chasing me down
I'll never win the battle
Never win the battle and I should have known it by now
Just when I think I've found the end (Oh)
I'm going back around again (Oh)
Running from my shadow
Running from my shadow but it's still there chasing me down

Sometimes, I think we chase our shadows, and sometimes they chase us.  There are always those times where things seem to be going well, and then something major comes in and kicks us back into the mess.  Admitting that we may be sick with whatever type of mental illness we have is a hard thing to do, but it has to happen to try and get well.  It doesn't matter how many go-arounds it takes, we will always be in the chase. It's just a matter of who's leading.  After something traumatic happens, I do think people tend to go into a holding pattern, but at some point, life has to happen again so asking the question can I live again is huge.

Nothing Makes Sense Anymore

Post Traumatic (2018)

I used to sleep without waking up
In a dream I made from painted walls
I was a moment away from done
When the black spilled out across it all
And my eyes were made sober
World was turned over
Washing out the lines I’d seen
And my heart is still breaking
Now that I awaken
No one’s left to answer me

[Chorus]
My inside’s out, my left is right
My upside’s down, my black is white
I hold my breath, and close my eyes
And wait for dawn, but there’s no light

The truths we face in our sleep can be very different from what we show on the outside.  Mike Shinoda is extremely creative in many genres.  He has done wall sized paintings for outdoors exhibitions, so imagine being almost done and then black paint spilling across all of it.  I think those who are creative in some ways have easier ways to express what is going on in their head but I think they are more susceptible to something coming along and erasing it.

World's On Fire

Post Traumatic (2018)

Don't think I need to say this
'Cause you know what's in my head
"Fucked up" is an understatement
Can't wait for this year to end
It all fell apart, don't know where to start
And everything moves so slow
I can't get a break, it's too much to take
But closing my eyes, I know

[Chorus]
When the world's on fire, all I need is you
I don't always think to say it but it's true
When I just wanna disappear, you're the one that keeps me here
The world's on fire, all I need is you

It doesn't matter if it's a year, or many years, out there is always a part of the brain that is "Fucked Up" after losing someone to suicide.  Having a person or two to turn to can make all the difference in the world.

Can't Hear You Now

Post Traumatic (2018)

Run, run it back, tell 'em what I'm coming at
I was on that bullshit then, now I'm done with that
Scared of what I didn't want, scared of what I wanted
And thought that I was finished but I hardly had begun, in fact
I'm a beast, I'm a monster, a savage
And any other metaphor the culture can imagine
And I got a caption for anybody asking
That is, "I am feeling fucking fantastic"

[Pre-Chorus]
Some days, it doesn't take much to bring me down
Some days, I'm struggling for control
Some days, it doesn't take much to bring me down
Right now, I'm floating above it all

There is a point in healing that their voice isn't always echoing in your head and you start to move on.  I think for someone who is so in the spotlight there will always be people who don't feel like they are mourning correctly, or for long enough, and that is where you just have to say it doesn't matter what you think "I am feeling fucking fantastic" and be okay with that.

Mike Shinoda put out this amazing album which gives a window into what he went through when he lost his friend Chester Bennington to suicide.  I feel like the album also helps those of us who are trying to heal from the loss of someone close to suicide.  For me, this album is a reminder of how much pain those closest to me would suffer if I committed suicide. So as bad as I feel at times, I know I can't do that to them.  I don't know if Mike knew he would save lives by sharing his pain through music, but I know I'm at least one who is being saved by listening to Post Traumatic.

Take Care!

Music Hath Charms: Musicals "Next to Normal" **Trigger Warning**

**Trigger Warning, language, self harm, suicide**

I stumbled across the musical "Next to Normal" while I was being treated with ECT for severe treatment resistant depression and BiPolar II.  It presents the story of a woman with Bipolar I, mania, and delusions.  The early parts of the musical deal with her reaching out for new or better treatments to get life back under control, at least to some degree, and when the more conventional treatments fail she undergoes ECT.  Along the way we see the effects of her mental illness on her husband and daughter, we also see/ feel her delusions and how they interact with every part of life.  It's a very powerful musical and sheds light on the inner turmoil of a woman trying to take care of her family but losing control of herself.  *** All Lyrics from:  https://www.allmusicals.com/lyrics/nexttonormal.html ***

A quick introduction to the characters
Diana- Wife, mom, mentally ill
Dan- Husband, dad, main caretaker
Natalie- 16 year old daughter
Henry- Wanna be boyfriend
Gabe-  19 year old son (real or delusional is a main theme)
Dr. Madden- Primary psychiatrist

Who Is Crazy/My Psychopharmacologist and I

Next to Normal (2008)

[Dan]

Who's crazy, the husband or wife?

Who's crazy to live their whole life

Believing that somehow things aren't as bizarre as they are?

Who's crazy the one who can't cope?

Or maybe, the one who'll still hope?

The one who sees doctors or the one who just waits in the car?

...

[Dr. Madden]

...The round blue ones with food, but not with the oblong white ones.

The white ones with the round yellow ones, but not with the trapezoidal green ones.

Split the green ones into thirds with a tiny chisel, use a mortar and pestle to grind?

...

[Diana]

My psychopharmacologist and I.

Call it a lover's game.

He knows my deepest secrets.

I know his... name!

And though he'll never hold me

He'll always take my calls.

It's truly like he told me

Without a little lift, the ballerina falls

You Don't Know

Next to Normal (2008)

[Diana]

Do you wake up in the morning and need help to lift your head?

Do you read obituaries and feel jealous of the dead?

It's like living on a cliffside not knowing when you'll dive.

Do you know, do you know what it's like to die alive?

When the world that once had color fades to white and grey and black.

When tomorrow terrifies you, but you'll die if you look back.

You don't know.

I know you don't know.

You say that you're hurting, it sure doesn't show.

You don't know.

Make Up Your Mind/Catch Me I'm Falling

Next to Normal (2008)

[Dr. Madden]

Make up your mind to explore yourself

Make up your mind you have stories to tell

We'll search in your past

For what sorrows may last

Then make up your mind to be well

...

Make up your mind to live stronger now

Make up your mind let the truth be revealed

Admit what you've lost and live with the cost

At times it does hurt to healed

...

Make up your mind you want clarity

Take what you know and make it make sense

Just admit what you fear

And soon it comes clear

The visions are just your defence

...

Make up your mind to be free at last

Make up your mind to be truly alive

Embrace what's inside the place that has died

And make up your mind to survive 

I've Been

Next to Normal (2008)

[Dan]

Standing in this room,

Well I wonder what comes now.

I know I have to help her,

But hell if I know how.

And all the times that I've been told

The way her illness goes.

The truth of it is no one really knows.

...

And I've never had to face the world without her at my side.

Now I'm strolling right beside her as the black hole opens wide.

Mine is just a slower suicide.

I've been here for the show,

Every high, every low.

But it's the worst we've ever known.

She's been hurt and how?

But I can't give up now.

'Cause I've never been alone.

I could never be alone.

Didn't I See This Movie
Next to Normal (2008)

[Diana]
Didn't I see this movie with McMurphy and the nurse?
That hospital was heavy, but this cuckoo's nest it worse.
Isn't this the one where in the end the good guys fry?
Didn't I see this movie, and didn't I cry?
...
[Dan (spoken)]
Your mother sin for a new treatment.  ECT.

[Natalie (spoken)]
Okay, LMNOIP, what is that, I don't know?

[Dan (spoken)]
Electro-convulsive Therapy.  Shock Therapy.

[Natalie (spoken)]
You're kidding, right?  That's bullshit.

[Diana]
What makes you think I'd lose my mind for you?
I'm no sociopath, I'm no Sylvia Plath

Wish I Were Here
Next to Normal (2008)

[Diana]
In an instant flashes and the burst might leave me blind.
When the bolt of lightening crashes and it burns right through my mind,
It's like someone drained my brain out, set my frozen mind to thaw,
Let the lethargy and pain out, while I stood in awe.
...
[Diana and Natalie]
Plug me in and turn me on,
And flip the switch, I'm good as gone.
It slits my skin, and trips my brain
And feel the burn, when I don't feel the pain.

Is my brain reborn, or is it wrecked,
In freedom or in fear?
Wish I were here.

Song of Forgetting
Next to Normal (2008)

[Dan (spoken)]
You don't remember any of this?

[Diana (spoken)]
I should, right?

[Dan]
This house and all these rooms
Last Christmas or last year
Out back the dogwood blooms

[Diana]
Do I really live here?

...
[Natalie]
My first few steps, and my first lost tooth
What nothing yet?

[Diana]
Well to tell the truth

[Dan]
Sing a song of forgetting
A song of the way things were not
Sing of what's lost to you
Of time that you never knew
Sing of not remembering when
Of memories that go unremembered and then
Sing a song of forgetting, again

That day our child was born
Our baby girl's first cry
...
[Natalie]
What a lovely cure
It's a medical miracle
With a mind so pure
That she doesn't know anything

Seconds and Years
Next to Normal (2008)

[Dr. Madden]
A little loss of memory is normal
And helpful in forgetting all her fears

[Dan]
I couldn't give a flying fuck what's normal
We haven't had a normal day in years

Aftershocks
Next to Normal (2008)

[Gabe]
They've managed to get rid of me, returned me to the grave
ECT, electric chair, we shock who we can't save
They've cleared you of my memory and many more as well
You may have wanted some of them but who can ever tell
Your brainwaves are more regular, the chemistry more pure
The headaches and the nausea will pass and you'll endure
Your son is gone forever though, of that the doctor's sure
The memories will wane, the aftershocks remain
You wonder which is worse, the symptom or the cure
...
[Diana]
It's been four weeks since the treatment
And my mind is still a mess
And who's left to be remembered
Well it's anybody's guess
Cause my past is like the weather
It will come and it will go
I don't know, even know
What it is that I don't know
I'm some Christopher Colombus
Sailing out into my mind
With no map of where I'm going
Or of what I've left behind
...
[Dr. Madden]
Does the puzzle come together
Piece by piece and row by row?
[Diana]
I don't know, I don't know
Where the fucking pieces go
Cause I don't know how this started
So I won't know when it's done

The Break
Next to Normal (2008)

They told me that the wiring was somehow all misfiring and screwing up the signals in my brain.
And then they told me chemistry, the juice and not the circuitry, was mixing up and making me insane.
What happens when the burn has healed when the skin has not regrown?
What happens when the cast, at last, comes off, and then you find the break was always in another bone?
...
They tried a million meds and
They strapped me to their beds and
They shrugged and told me 'that's the way it goes'
But finally you hit it!
I asked you just what did it.
You shrugged and said that no one really knows.

What happens if the medicine wasn't really in control?
What happens if the cut, the burn, the break was never in my brain, or in my blood, but in my soul?
What happens if the cut, the burn, the break was never in my brain, or in my blood, but in my soul?

Make Up Your Mind/ Catch Me I'm Falling (Reprise)
Next to Normal (2008)

[Dr. Madden (spoken)]
The ECT is powerful, it gave you your life back,
but the effects often fade and additional treatments are almost always necessary.

[Diana (spoken)]
That wasn't on the form.

[Dr. Madden]
Make up your mind that you'll try again
Make up your mind there are moments of light
But one things that's sure is that there is no cure
But that doesn't mean we don't fight.
...

[Diana (spoken)]
I've had this lovely and fascinating relationship with you doctors and your treatments for 16 years but now I think I'm done.

[Dr. Madden (spoken)]
Diana, medicine isn't perfect, but it's what we have.

[Diana (spoken)]
Goodbye Dr. Madden.

Maybe
Next to Normal (2008)

[Diana]
Maybe I've lost it at last
Maybe my last lucid moment has past
I'm dancing with death, I suppose.
But really, who knows?
Could be I'm crazy to go.
They say you should stay with the devil you know
But when life needs a change
And the one devil won't
You fight to the devil you don't
...
[Natalie]
It's so lovely that you're sharing
No, really, I'm all ears
But where has all this caring been
For sixteen years
For all those years I'd pray that
You'd go away for good
Half the ti me afraid that you really would
When I thought you might be dying
I cried for all we've never be
But there'll be no more crying
Not for me
...
[Diana]
We tried to give you a normal life. I realise now, I have no clue what that is.

[Natalie]
I don't need a life that's normal
That's way too far away
But something next to normal
Would be okay
Yeah, something next to normal
That's the thing I'd like to try
Close enough to normal To get by

[Diana]
We'll get by

[Natalie]
We'll get by

Hey 3/ Perfect For You (Reprise)

[Natalie]
Am I crazy?
I might end up crazy

[Henry]
I'll be here for you

[Natalie]
You say that right here
But then give it a year
Or 10 years or a life
And I could end up your wife
Sitting staring at walls
Throwing shit down the stairs
Freaking out at the store
Running nude down the street
Bleeding out in the bath

[Henry]
Perfect for you
I will be perfect for you
So you could go crazy
Or I could go crazy, it's true
Sometimes life isn't sane
But crazy I know I can do
Cause crazy is perfect
And fucked up is perfect
So I will be perfect

[Natalie]
Perfect

[Both]
Perfect for you

Next to Normal is a lesser known musical, but I believe it should be required background music on any psychiatric ward (okay maybe not that far but I think it needs to get wider play for those with mental illness).  When going through ECT having the knowledge that my memory loss wasn't a character fault but was experienced by Diana as well was very comforting.  ECT doesn't make it into many media forms without it being used as a torture technique or as a historical representation and not showing the changes and improvements that have been made since the late 1980's.  I don't believe that it is over used, or that doctors are purposely hiding the possibility of side effects.  Every brain is different so every person will respond differently.  Seeing (feeling) the interactions between the family members and especially between Diana and Natalie has helped me see how much my illness has effected those around me.  Music is such a powerful media that it can express (especially for us who struggle to express) our thoughts, fears and feelings.  So, once again if this has intrigued anyone seek out the full musical it is available on Apple Music, YouTube, and Pandora (maybe others).

Music Hath Charms: Musicals edition

Musicals are such a fun way to lose yourself in something familiar and sing along (vocal ability not included) at the top of our lungs just for the joy of it.  There are also many musicals with an important message hiding in fun, upbeat music with profound lyrics.  I’m going to start with some fun musicals that are on my all time favourite list.  I will do another set of musical lyrics that tell a story about a family and the effects of mental illness on them all. ** All lyrics taken from https://allmusicals.com  **   

No Place Like London

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (1979)

[Antony]

I have sailed the world

beheld its wonders

from the Dardanelles,

to the mountains of Peru,

But there's no place like London!

I feel home again...

I could hear the city bells ring...

Whatever would I do?

No there's...

[Sweeney Todd]

No place like London

Mister Cellophane

Chicago (1975)

And even without clucking like a hen

Everyone gets noticed, now and then,

Unless, of course, that personage should be 

Invisible, inconsequential me!

Cellophane

Mister Cellophane

Shoulda been my name

Popular

Wicked  (2003)

[Galinda]

When I see depressing creatures

With unprepossesing features

I remind them on their own behalf

To think of 

Celebrated heads of state or 

Specially great communicators

Did they have brains or knowledge?

Don’t make me laugh!

They were popular! Please -

It’s all about popular!

It’s not about aptitude

It’s the way you’re viewed

So it’s very shrewed to be 

Very Very popular 

Like me!

Defying Gravity

Wicked  (2003)

[Elphaba]

Something has changed within me

Something is not the same

I’m through with playing by the rules

Of someone else’s game

Too late for second-guessing

Too late to go back to sleep

It’s time to trust my instincts

Close my eyes: and leap!

It’s time to try

Defying gravity

I think I’ll try

Defying gravity

And you can’t pull me down!

[Glinda]

Can’t I make you understand?

You’re having delusions of grandeur.

[Elphaba]

I’m through accepting limits

‘Cuz someone says they’re so

Some things I cannot change

But till I try.  I’ll never know!

Too long I’ve been afraid of 

Losing love I guess I’ve lost

Well, if that’s love

It comes at much too high a cost!

For Good

Wicked. (2003)

[Glinda]

I’ve heard it said

That people come into our lives for a reason

Bringing something we must learn

And we are led

To those who help us most to grow

If we let them

And we help them in return

Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true

But I know I’m who I am today

Because I knew you.   

...

[Elphaba]

It well may be

That we will never meet again

In this lifetime

So let me say before we part

So much of me 

Is made of what I learned from you

You’ll be with me

Like a handprint on my heart

And now whatever way our stories end

I know you have rewritten mine

By being my friend:

Like a ship blown from its mooring

By a wind off the sea

Like a seed dropped by a skybird

In a distant wood

Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?

But because I knew you:

...

[Both]

I have been changed for good

Do You Love Me

Fiddler on the Roof (1964)

[Tevye]

But do you love me?

[Golde]

Do I love you?

For twenty-five years I’ve washed your clothes

Cooked your meals, cleaned the house

Given you children, milked the cow

After twenty-five years, why talk about love right now?

[Tevye]

Golde. the first time I met you

Was on our wedding day

I was scared

[Golde]

I was shy

[Tevye]

I was nervous

[Golde]

So was I

[Tevye]

But my father and my mother

Said we’d learn to love each other

And now I’m asking.  Golde

Do you love me?

[Golde]

I’m your wife

[Tevye]

“I know...”

But do you love me

...

Then you love me?

[Golde]

I suppose I do

[Tevye]

And I suppose I love you too

[Both]

It doesn’t change a thing

But even so

After twenty-five years

It’s nice to know

Tomorrow

Annie  (1977)

The sun’ll come out 

Tomorrow

Bet your bottom dollar

That tomorrow

There’ll be sun!

Just thinkin’ about

Tomorrow

Clears away the cobwebs,

And the sorrow

‘Til there’s none!

When I’m stuck with a day

That’s gray.

And lonely,

I just stick out my chin

And grin,

And say.

Oh!

That the sun’ll come out

Tomorrow

So ya gotta hang on 

‘Til tomorrow

Come what may

Tomorrow!  Tomorrow!

You’re only

A day

Away!

There are so many musicals out there these are just a few that allow my heart and mind to perk up a little, and when safe I sing along with all my soul (sorry to those near me who have no clue what I'm singing, lol).  Musicals come in all sorts of genres and depths of message.  One of the great things about musicals is there are always new ones coming out and older ones cycle back around to develop new followers.  If these lyrics seem interesting then go out and look for the rest of the music and see if it speaks to you at all.  If you are willing to experiment I'm sure you can find the right musical for you, Good Luck!

The Season is Upon Us

     The time has flown since we landed and even though we haven't been here 3 months yet it feels like home.  My husband and I have ventured out to multiple shops to get the pieces for Christmas boxes to send to friends and family in the United States.  We will spend both Solstice and Christmas on our own, but right after Boxing Day (a British holiday that occurs the day after Christmas) our children will arrive for their Newcastle Adventure.
     I finally realised yesterday how close the holidays are when I found myself listening to Christmas Carols on YouTube and rediscovering groups and classic videos that had escaped my memory (lost to ECT).  I have since made a Solstice/X-mas playlist with favourites like Trans-Siberian Orchestra, Mannheim Steamroller, and multiple versions of Handel's Messiah.  I have found myself transitioning from heavy metal to singing along with the Choir of King's College, Cambridge and what promises to be the full 2+ hour rendition of Messiah.

    We have yet to get a tree, unless you want to count the Brussel sprout stalk we purchased (who knew Brussel sprouts grew that way) for dinner the other night.  Our tradition has been to have a wreath instead of a tree (cats and Christmas trees don't always go well together), and we have brought along some of the most important ornaments from home but left plenty for the kids to use this year.  We will use technology to continue our traditions even when we are 4500 miles apart.  We will use video conferencing to be with the kids on the morning after Solstice, when we traditionally exchanged presents.  We will more than make up for the separation at Solstice by celebrating every minute while they are here to visit.

     Singing was always an important part of the Christmas traditions I grew up with and through until college, when I dropped out of any formal group singing (and grumpily refused to sing with the family).  Since then my singing has mostly occurred in our vehicles (children are very forgiving), singing along with favourite artists when I am alone or when my husband is around because he doesn't judge.  As I've had more alone time lately I realise how much I enjoy singing and that I miss singing with others. Handel's Messiah became a favourite in late high school when I joined the adult choir at the church I attended and participated in their yearly performance.  It was a huge commitment of time and effort but I think that is why I can sit here and sing along hardly missing a beat or lyric.  For most people the Hallelujah Chorus is what is the best known section but there is so much more to the Messiah.  I will continue singing along (practicing) until it's time to put it away for a year.
     There are many old churches and cathedrals in our new city and some of the larger ones are putting on traditional carol performances here in the next few weeks.  We will venture out to as many as possible to experience the history and traditions that go so far back here.  To sit in a location that pre-dates the establishment of the United States by many, many years and hear the very old traditional carols, many of them in Latin, will be amazing.  The beauty of the architecture and the way the music resonates through it will give a new feel to both the familiar and new music.
    This time of year is sacred to most of the religious traditions around the world.  However you celebrate I wish you Glad Tidings, and hope that the spirit of the season lifts your heart and mind to the possibility of joy even in the midst of the darkest part of the year.  If possible bring your family close to you, or celebrate from afar.  Find opportunities to share your traditions (and your bounty) with those around you who may be lonely this time of year, and above all Take Care.  Cheers.