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Monday 25 February 2019

Welcome to Our Neighbourhood

You've seen the inside of our place so I thought I'd give a brief tour of the neighbourhood we live in.  When we moved here I had some apprehension about moving to the big city since for the past 20 years or so we have lived in small towns or fairly rural areas.  My husband did a lot of research online looking for good student accommodations that would be at least partly furnished, close to campus, and would be close to doctors and hospitals (just in case).  We had a friend in the area who was willing to check out potential locations so we could see beyond the online hype and make sure the flat was as good as it seemed.  The flat we are in now was our second choice after our first choice was rejected by the letting company. Thankfully, this flat has turned out to be perfect for us.

We are in an area that is sometimes referred to as Heaton and sometimes Byker (we are kind of on the border between a couple of areas).  Even our mail is split between the different names.


Our little corner of Newcastle Upon Tyne is close to all the services I need (and some I had no idea existed), but far enough from the city centre so it doesn't feel overwhelmingly big. We are 0.4 miles from the Molineux Street NHS centre that has my GP (General Practioner), Psych, and pharmacy all in one building (the building also houses a Walk-In Centre, Dentist, Physio, Pain management and a whole list of other things I'm probably forgetting).  


Google estimates an 8 minute long walk and I would say that's about average.  If I'm walking with David it doesn't take nearly that long, and if I'm by myself it's probably closer to 10 minutes to get there.  The art studio (Chilli Studio) is just a bit farther at 0.5 miles but tends to take longer to get there (I average 12-15 minutes to get there).  


These two are in opposite directions from each other, so that I take a left turn for the studio and a right turn for the medical building.  Both walks are relatively easy with not much in the way of hills between here and there. The worst part of the walk to the studio is having to cross a bridge that is very busy, so it's really noisy, but even that isn't too bad.
Looking right, up the road


Looking left 

The next great thing in this area, that we visit a couple of times a week, is our local grocers.  For most of our weekly shopping we use the local Morrison's, which is also about 0.4 miles from our flat, so when traveling empty-handed its about 8-10 minutes to get there. On the return with our bags full, it does take a little longer, but still not more than 15 minutes at our slowest.  Our Morrisons is huge, at about the size of the Walmart where we lived before, but this is almost all food stuff.


David will also stop on his way between campus and home at smaller stores to pick up something essential for that evening's dinner.  We both carry bags with us at all times just in case we need to pop in and get something so we don't have to pay for a bag (single-use plastic bags are not used in larger stores and there is a nominal charge for reusable bags depending on size) just to get something home.


As a quick run in, run out and to get a very random assortment of products, Wilko can't be beaten.  It's kind of like a high-end dollar store.  The prices are very reasonable, and while the quality isn't top shelf, it's decent, and you never know what you'll find if you spend any sort of time wandering the aisles.  So far Wilko is the main shop I can handle on my own without having a huge panic attack, because it's not as crowded and not as big, but I have my eye on Morrisons and I will conquer it.



Something I didn't imagine we would come to claim but this is our go-to pub, that serves decent food, has vegetarian options for David, and is quite reasonable.  It is basically next door to Wilko and not even a parking lot away from the GP surgery, meaning it's perfect.  It's called The High Main, but it is part of a chain called Wetherspoons, so there are lots of them with each having unique characteristics but being basically the same.  

There are multiple historical markers throughout our area mainly marking spots that relate to the coal mining that was done right under our feet early on in Newcastle's history.


Most neighborhoods we travel through have play areas for kids that can be used for multiple sports (but my guess is they are mostly used for football practice). The one closest to us has basketball hoops as well.  There are more traditional playgrounds for younger kids that have some very cool activities beyond just basic swings and slides. 


The park we walk through to get to the city centre has exercise equipment along the walking path with things like an elliptical machine and multiple ways to work out your abs.  Down along Quayside they have a similar set of equipment, but their equipment looks much newer.  I keep telling myself that I will go check it out, but for now walking through the neighbourhood is plenty.


This gate is at the very end of our street, and is closed most of the time, but if we leave the flat at just the right time we will find groups of mums (and dads too) dropping off their children to the school that is through there.  Such a beautiful schoolyard and during the day you can see lots of blue dots running around in the field (bright blue is the colour of the jumpers the kids wear as part of their uniforms).


If you exit the flat via the backdoor our gate opens into an alley, this lineup is what you will find.  We are amazed at how much easier and accessible recycling is here, and this group shows that.  The little blue bins are for glass, the big black bin with the multi-colour sticker on it is for recycling everything else (cans, aluminium, plastic bottles, etc), and the next big bin is for all of the things that don't seem to fit in any of the other categories.  This makes keeping up with and taking care of the recycling so easy; other nations need to get on top of this too.


At the end of our row of houses these pretty little flowers are already growing so well.  It's hard to believe that February is not over yet, but new growth is coming through.


This ring of flowers is in the green space around a high-rise set of flats and I can't wait for it to finish coming in, it will be beautiful.


Coming up the path from the studio at the end of the row of houses directly behind ours this famous face will greet you.  I haven't been able to find out a whole lot about Mr. Shakespeare and how he came to oversee our area, but you have to admit he is pretty cool looking and some serious work went into arranging the bricks into his likeness.  I've been told that during the Summer there are people who gather in the grassy area here and do yoga at least once a week, so I'll keep my eyes open for that.




In one of my earlier posts I talked about one of the reasons for not being interested in driving is all of the roundabouts.  This one here is outside of the Morrisons and is the smaller of the 2 that seem to be right on top of each other.  I had hoped to catch a shot of when the multiple busses will work their way around this at the same time with cars weaving in and out, but this is what I got.  Even without busses coming through there is way too much going on and I'm thoroughly impressed by anyone who can drive these things on a daily basis.

There is so much more I could show you all within an easy walk of our flat.  We have all of these amazing things at our disposal and we aren't even in the middle of the city.  We have found our perfect little nook of Newcastle Upon Tyne and we will stay here for as long as possible. 

More to come soon.  Cheers!














Monday 18 February 2019

Music Hath Charms: "Post Traumatic" **Trigger Warning**

**Trigger Warning: language, suicide, alcohol/drug use**
For many music fans, 20 July, 2017 will be a day of remembrance due to loss of Chester Bennington. Knowing the impact his death by suicide has had on me personally, as well as many Linkin Park fans, I can't imagine the grief suffered by his bandmates.  Since the death, many musicians have spoken up about their feelings and have dedicated songs and performances in his honour.  Not much has been heard from the survivors of Linkin Park as a whole, but band member Mike Shinoda released a solo album, influenced by his attempt to understand and continue to move forward in light of the loss.  The album 'Post Traumatic' contains stirring lyrics and heart-wrenching music throughout all the songs.  Released as a whole on 15 June, 2018, tracks from the album were pre-released as early as 25 January, 2018, and in December 2018 2 more tracks were included in a release to vinyl.  In total, there are 18 songs that play, with many artists performing songs with Mike.  Like my other music posts, I'm going to take my favourite lyrics and share them with you. This time around, I'm going to try and include my reasons for choosing those particular lyrics. Please let me know if that is something I should continue or if it just adds too much information.

Lyrics are from:  https://genius.com/a/read-all-the-lyrics-to-mike-shinoda-s-new-solo-album-post-traumatic
Use the link if you'd like to see the full lyrics for the songs I've chosen or to see what else is on the album.  The music is amazing and powerful.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.



Over Again
Post Traumatic (2018)

It was a month since he passed, maybe less
And no one knew what to do, we were such a mess
We were texting, we were calling, we were checking in

...
How do you feel, how you doing, how'd the show go?
Am I insane to say the truth is that I don’t know
My body aches head's spinning this is all wrong
I almost lost it in middle of a couple songs
And everybody that I talk to is like, “wow
Must be really hard to figure what to do now”
Well thank you genius, you think it'll be a challenge
Only my life's work hanging in the fucking balance
And all I wanted was to get a little bit of closure
And every step I took I looked and wasn't any closer
'Cause sometimes when you say goodbye, yeah you say it
Over and over and over and over



I'm in no way famous, but when a friend of mine completed suicide in her home (one town over from ours), every time we drove through the memory was there, and it really was a matter of having to say goodbye each time.  Up until the time we left I had not reconciled the feelings present.

Promises I Can't Keep
Post Traumatic (2018)

What's the difference between a man and a monster
Is it somewhere between "I can" and "I want to"
Is it somewhere between the promises I made
And the fact I couldn't see something getting in the way

[Pre-Chorus]
I used to think that I know what I want
Never saw it coming unglued
I used to think that I know what I want
Now it's time to see if it's true

[Chorus]
I had so much certainty
Till that moment I lost control
And I've tried but it never was up to me
I've got no worse enemy
Than the fear of what's still unknown
And the time's come to realize there will be
Promises I can't keep

[Verse 2]
What's the difference between a loss and a forfeit
I tried to make it better, but I made it more sick
I tried to make it right, but now awake at night
I know reality was getting in the way

I've thought long and hard on the line "Is it somewhere between 'I can' and 'I want to'" and which side of the coin equals man or monster.  I have spent a lot of time in the 'I want to' realm, but only get concerned when I crossover to the 'I can' side of things.  I rarely have much certainty, but when I do, losing control feels like the worst thing in the world.  There have been many times where I thought I was well enough to tackle something but ended up with 'promises I can't keep'.

Crossing A Line
Post Traumatic (2018)

I don’t know how to warn you
For what I’m gonna say
'Cause you’re holding so tight to
What I’m taking away

I got demons inside me
So I’m faced with a choice
Either try to ignore them
Or I give them a voice


[Pre-Chorus]
And it’s keeping me up at night
Worried it’s not alright
Holding back things you don’t know
And it’s keeping me up at night
Worried it’s not alright
You’re not gonna like where this goes

It's much easier some days to ignore the demons inside and try to not let others be hurt by them than it is to give them a voice, where you let everyone know how much you are hurting.  The internal debates can definitely keep you up at night; trying to come up with the best solution that will include honesty but not cause your loved ones to worry is a hard line to know when to cross.


Hold It Together
Post Traumatic (2018)

She said, "Are you okay?"
And I'm staring into space
It's making her nervous cause one thing is certain
I don't have my head on straight
We're trying to get through each week
On two or three hours of sleep
I say to be patient
That we're going to make it
I have to admit that I'm struggling

[Pre-Chorus]
They say take it slow
But the world keeps spinning
And that I don't control
And so there I go
Trying to act normal
So they won't know that…

[Chorus]
I'm just trying to hold my shit together
Together, darling
I'm just trying to hold my shit together
Together, darling


Staring into space, listening to all the noise that's in your head, and as sleep decreases the volume gets turned up until it's deafening.  Getting to the point where I can admit I'm struggling is a huge leap in trusting those around me (but they usually know I'm slipping before I say anything).  Keeping up appearances for as long as possible, and hoping that those outside of my immediate circle don't know anything is wrong seems to be the most important thing in the world.  Sometimes holding my shit together is a full time job and completely exhausting.

Make It Up As I Go
Post Traumatic (2018)
Featuring K. Flay

[Intro 1: K.Flay]
I keep on running backwards
I keep on losing faith
I thought I had the answers
I thought I knew the way

My brother said be patient
My mother held my hand
I don't know what I'm chasing
I don't know who I am

[Verse 1: Mike Shinoda]
Woke up this morning holding my head
Thinking last night is one I'll regret
Washing off the bad decisions, the blurry vision
The clues that I'm still a mess

Spitting out the taste I have in my mouth
Knowing what this all is really about
Knowing there's an explanation, an expiration
I gotta figure shit out

[Pre-Chorus: Mike Shinoda]
And they're asking me if I can see
The darkness down below
And I know it's true, I say I do
When half the time I don't


It's so easy to try and run from what we don't understand and don't want to feel, and sometimes that leads to things we regret when we're stronger or awake.  There is a darkness that is easy to fall into, and sometimes we don't see it until it's too late.  The path unfortunately is not straight forward, and I know I've taken as many steps backwards as forwards at times. But I'm told I have to give myself credit for just keeping going.

Running From My Shadow
Post Traumatic (2018)
Featuring Grandson 

[Verse 1: Mike Shinoda]
Wanna know where I don't go
When it goes from "okay" to a "oh no"
When it goes from hi five to a low blow
When it goes from all five to a solo
Lemme tell you what you don't know
I been down, so low, I was
Looking for something but denying that I found it
There's an elephant sitting in the room
And I can't find another way to tiptoe around it
I been doing greater good for a long time
But I can't find any other way to give now
I been putting myself on the sideline
And it's been time so I'm saying can I live now

There are times when I kick myself
Say I'm not sick but I can't get well
Say I got this while I chase my tail
As if they can't tell

[Chorus: Mike Shinoda]
I'm running from my shadow
Running from my shadow but it's still there chasing me down
I'll never win the battle
Never win the battle and I should have known it by now
Just when I think I've found the end (Oh)
I'm going back around again (Oh)
Running from my shadow
Running from my shadow but it's still there chasing me down

Sometimes, I think we chase our shadows, and sometimes they chase us.  There are always those times where things seem to be going well, and then something major comes in and kicks us back into the mess.  Admitting that we may be sick with whatever type of mental illness we have is a hard thing to do, but it has to happen to try and get well.  It doesn't matter how many go-arounds it takes, we will always be in the chase. It's just a matter of who's leading.  After something traumatic happens, I do think people tend to go into a holding pattern, but at some point, life has to happen again so asking the question can I live again is huge.

Nothing Makes Sense Anymore
Post Traumatic (2018)

I used to sleep without waking up
In a dream I made from painted walls
I was a moment away from done
When the black spilled out across it all
And my eyes were made sober
World was turned over
Washing out the lines I’d seen
And my heart is still breaking
Now that I awaken
No one’s left to answer me

[Chorus]
My inside’s out, my left is right
My upside’s down, my black is white
I hold my breath, and close my eyes
And wait for dawn, but there’s no light


The truths we face in our sleep can be very different from what we show on the outside.  Mike Shinoda is extremely creative in many genres.  He has done wall sized paintings for outdoors exhibitions, so imagine being almost done and then black paint spilling across all of it.  I think those who are creative in some ways have easier ways to express what is going on in their head but I think they are more susceptible to something coming along and erasing it.

World's On Fire
Post Traumatic (2018)

Don't think I need to say this
'Cause you know what's in my head
"Fucked up" is an understatement
Can't wait for this year to end
It all fell apart, don't know where to start
And everything moves so slow
I can't get a break, it's too much to take
But closing my eyes, I know

[Chorus]
When the world's on fire, all I need is you
I don't always think to say it but it's true
When I just wanna disappear, you're the one that keeps me here
The world's on fire, all I need is you

It doesn't matter if it's a year, or many years, out there is always a part of the brain that is "Fucked Up" after losing someone to suicide.  Having a person or two to turn to can make all the difference in the world.

Can't Hear You Now
Post Traumatic (2018)

Run, run it back, tell 'em what I'm coming at
I was on that bullshit then, now I'm done with that
Scared of what I didn't want, scared of what I wanted
And thought that I was finished but I hardly had begun, in fact
I'm a beast, I'm a monster, a savage
And any other metaphor the culture can imagine
And I got a caption for anybody asking
That is, "I am feeling fucking fantastic"

[Pre-Chorus]
Some days, it doesn't take much to bring me down
Some days, I'm struggling for control
Some days, it doesn't take much to bring me down
Right now, I'm floating above it all

There is a point in healing that their voice isn't always echoing in your head and you start to move on.  I think for someone who is so in the spotlight there will always be people who don't feel like they are mourning correctly, or for long enough, and that is where you just have to say it doesn't matter what you think "I am feeling fucking fantastic" and be okay with that.

Mike Shinoda put out this amazing album which gives a window into what he went through when he lost his friend Chester Bennington to suicide.  I feel like the album also helps those of us who are trying to heal from the loss of someone close to suicide.  For me, this album is a reminder of how much pain those closest to me would suffer if I committed suicide. So as bad as I feel at times, I know I can't do that to them.  I don't know if Mike knew he would save lives by sharing his pain through music, but I know I'm at least one who is being saved by listening to Post Traumatic.

Take Care!





Thursday 14 February 2019

GP Surgeries and Hospital visits

If you asked anyone who knows me for a description of me, I think most would say I'm complicated, especially when it comes to anything (and everything) medical.  We knew that in coming here the medical system would be completely and drastically different from anything previously experienced,  starting with the reality of a National Health Service (NHS).  Imagine having almost everything to do with the body included within one system that does not require separate and expensive insurance policies.  As a citizen of the UK, a person is automatically included in the program and care is provided at no cost (except for some prescription and dental charges).  As guests here my husband and I had to pay for access, as part of our visa fees.   Once we did that, though, all of my GP visits, psych team visits, and hospital testing and stays are included.  So far I have more than gotten my money's worth with the care I've received and it's only been since September.

To be seen by a GP you must register with their practice.  Once registered, a primary GP is assigned to you even though you may or may not see them most of the time (seems to be a NHS requirement).  Most GP surgeries (offices) have multiple doctors of varying levels and specialties, and many have nurse practitioners that can be seen as well.  The GP acts very much like a primary care doctor does in the United States.  They are the hub for all of the specialists to work through, and they approve or send in referrals, and handle/manage the prescriptions.  The practice I'm a part of has more than 13 GPs (spread over two locations) and has a few Nurse Practitioners as well.  There are also 2 pharmacists that work with the doctors and patients to manage medications but they can also prescribe medications when appropriate.  There is an online portal that can be used to request appointments and medication refills, and it also allows you to see who has accessed your medical records.  If you are really adventurous you can also request an e-consult.  By answering some basic questions they decide what to do and promise to call back within 24 hours to tell you if you need to be seen, get a prescription, or just follow their advice.  Because the number of patients is so high and appointments are at a premium, they are scheduled in 10 minute intervals and if more than one topic needs to be discussed you must request a double time slot.  So far I have not run afoul of the time limit but I have not had too many appointments with a GP yet.  Routine appointments may be scheduled a few weeks out, but the staff have the ability to triage you into a sooner appointment if your condition warrants it.  Treatment by the GP is fully covered by the NHS so no copays are required.  Most of the time the appointments are right on time or very slightly late.  The only exception seems to be if you come into the office and request a same day appointment then the wait can be quite long because they will be slotting you in when a break in the schedule allows it.

Included in the building that holds my GP surgery is a walk-in clinic that can be used if you are experiencing something very basic that can be treated by either an advanced practice nurse or their equivalent.  This sure beats going to an A&E (ER) and waiting for a really long time to get the same treatment.  Like any government service, the NHS is underfunded and overwhelmed but it also has better service than I experienced in the United States.   Universal healthcare seems to be a dirty phrase in the US but so far the advantages far outweigh any drawbacks.

I have had a quick 1 day/2 night hospital stay relating to my mental health that required me to be monitored while IV medications were given.  Because of the NHS all of this was done at no cost to me, including a chest CT, many vials of blood, constant monitoring of heart rhythm and blood pressure.  The results of my ECGs were abnormal and because I had been experiencing intermittent chest pain a cardiologist was called in and decided to do further testing on my heart.  Within a couple of weeks of my discharge I received a letter telling me to report to one of the many hospitals in the area and have an echocardiogram done.  Later that week another letter came with an appointment set up for more specific CT's of my heart and the vessels leading into and out of it.  Both rounds of testing have been completed at this point and again all of this was done at no cost to me (other than the Uber to get to and from the hospitals). Fortunately all tests look great and I can be done worrying about my heart and just worry more about other things.   My tests were completed at Freeman Hospital, and my original stay was at The Royal Victoria Infirmary (RVI).  It seems that with multiple hospitals in a relatively small area they specialise in certain things instead of having all of them doing the same things.  So for an emergency I was taken by ambulance to RVI because of it's A&E, but the testing on my heart was done at Freeman because they have a specialised cardiothoracic centre.  I know if it becomes necessary to have an inpatient psychiatric stay that will be at another hospital.  This is so much better than having multiple hospitals in an area all doing the same things and trying to one up each other instead of focusing on what they do best and working together.  So for both inpatient and outpatient treatment I have had amazing experiences, and the waits are no longer than what it would take to be seen by most US specialists.

My next big encounter with medicine will be at my evaluation by the Pain Clinic at RVI in mid-March.  I've been counting down to this appointment pretty much since we received a letter saying where and when to show up and a packets of papers to complete before the appointment.  In our corner of Colorado there were no pain specialists and my various doctors did their best to help me cope with chronic pain from multiple sources.  I hope I'm not putting too much hope for answers and treatments into this centre.

I'm happy to keep my experiencing of the hospitals in this area to the three I've been to or know about.  The other six that are technically in the area but are a little farther afield can stay unvisited, although we've passed one of them multiple times walking up from Quayside. (It's a hospital in name only, but has an amazing history if you want to look into the Holy Jesus Hospital).

The practice of medicine is pretty universal, but the culture from which that practice originates can make all the changes in the world.  It's been good for me and I think I will find answers to questions I've been asking for a very long time.

Cheers!



Monday 11 February 2019

From Point A to Point B

When you live in a small town in the United States, your options for getting around are pretty much limited to walking or driving a personal vehicle. Of course, this varies with the size of the town and basic infrastructure.  Owning a car is considered by many to be a necessity even if it is never driven farther than the local corner store to pick up beer and 'smokes'.

In Colorado, it is common to take a trip for shopping or Dr. appointments that can be as long are 3-5 hours one way.  Denver is the hub for all things medical; it's where the big hospitals, the teaching hospitals, and the majority of the rarer specialists are located.  Denver also has more malls than anywhere else, so it does bring in long-distance shoppers, especially around special occasions or holidays.

It is possible (and frequent) that on a long road trip you can go for an hour or more without passing more than trees, fences, an occasional house (in the middle of nowhere) and lots of cows and other wildlife, depending where you are at (deer, elk, antelope, mountain goats etc.).  Small towns start to get more frequent as you approach many cities and at the base of the mountain passes, it is often prudent to stop before making the drive up and over.  On trips that are made frequently you learn where all the best places are to stop for a quick top off of the tank, a boost of energy through a snack or drink, and most important where the last chances are to visit the loo for a more comfortable ride.  In Colorado, weather also factors into these plans, making a quick hour-long hop to the next town easily turn into an unpleasant trek that takes infinitely more time, and at night gives you the impression of jumping into warp speed as the snow flies towards your headlights.

When we moved here to Newcastle we knew we were not going to get a vehicle, and had no interest in learning to drive, especially because of the incredibly complicated roundabouts.  We are always impressed watching our Uber drivers manage the directions on their GPS (talking about 'taking the third left in the middle lane but tending to the right' and around the circle) and miraculously we come out where we are supposed to be.  Uber has been a lifesaver for those times that are either just awkward timing to get someplace on the bus network, or when travelling to and from the Central Station with enough luggage that juggling it on a bus would be difficult and walking there is not worth the stress.

My husband has become an expert at getting around by bus. My last experiences with riding busses were as a young teenager, too young to drive but wanting to explore the city with my best friend. Since then I've relied on getting places by car.  There are multiple companies that run buses that stop within a short walk of our flat.  The difficulty is figuring out which bus, heading which direction, and where the closest stop to our ultimate destination is going to be.  David relies on Google maps and their public transportation option to help figure out where and when to hop on and then counts down the stops to where we need to get off.  We do have a few routes that we have taken often enough that I've learned the landmarks to watch for and that let me know when I'm about to reach the final stop to disembark at.  Except for these main routes I am scared to death of getting on and heading the wrong direction or miscounting bus stops and ending up way off target.  For now these anxieties keep me from traveling alone but I will soon have some help in learning how to make the system work for me and not be scared to death of exploring the city apart from the areas around my flat.

I have a goal for early March to get from our flat to a local clinic where I will be attending some therapy groups.  It would be over an hour to walk there and the route seems quite complicated or I can take one of 3 bus routes to make it there in about 40 minutes and only 10 of those would be walking.  I know what I have to do, and will spend the month of February gaining confidence in getting from Point A to Point B.  If I get lost somewhere between here and there then it will be Uber to the rescue, and a dose of anti-anxiety meds while I wait.

When we travel further distances we hop aboard any one of the many trains that are heading in the right direction.  If we are heading far afield (like London, Liverpool, or Edinburgh) we will pre-purchase tickets and whenever possible choose seats that allow us to face the direction of travel (motion sickness from riding backward is not our friend).  For quick day trips we just purchase tickets at the station and since many of these trips are less than 30 minutes we are just fine if we can't find open seats and instead 'train surf' as my daughter called it.  Some of our trips to London have been amazingly quick, with less than half a dozen stops between here and there, while other trips seem much longer because we stop at every little town/city on the route.  Google Maps shows the distance between here in Newcastle and London as being right around 280 miles (450.6 kilometers) and taking about 5 hours to drive. Compare that to a trip we made frequently between Craig, CO, and Denver, CO, with a distance of 198 miles (318.65) and taking about 3 hours and 45 minutes to drive.  The biggest difference between the two is the number of towns you encounter along the way.  For the Colorado trip, there would be roughly 9 chances to stop, or at the very least a need to slow down for a short distance (this is not counting all the suburbs of Denver that some may claim are independent towns). Based on Google, there seem to be 15 places where the road travels through or very close to a town (again not counting all the suburbs of London). 

We've come from the land of everyone owns a car (or at least a majority) and considered having all the adults in the household capable of driving (even if just around our small town) as a necessity, and have now landed in the perfect spot that allows us to walk for most of our necessities. Instead, we've come to a place with a robust public transportation system.  So instead of firing up our TARDIS (the nickname for our blue Toyota) every time we wanted to go anywhere we can now hop on a bus (or train, or metro, or Uber) to get from Point A to Point B.

Cheers!

Thursday 7 February 2019

The Parent Trap

In 1997 my husband used my family's tradition of opening one big gift on Christmas Eve to propose to me in front of all of them.  We set our wedding for October of 1998 and worked on getting things together.  One of the big discussions we had was about having children and we decided that yes we would have kids (eventually), we would aim to have 2 kids (twins run in my family so we were kind of rolling the dice on a second go around), and that we would name a boy William (a name popular on both sides of our families) and a girl Jessica Anne (the 'e' was very important).

The plan was to wait "awhile" after the wedding to start our family and we talked about travelling to Egypt, Europe, the UK, and anywhere else we had ever dreamed of visiting.  We knew that we would try to do things very differently from our families of origin (staying together and not marrying psychopaths were on that list).  In general we acknowledged that we had no clue how to be good parents but we would try to not "f*ck up the kids" to the best of our abilities.

October 24, 1998- Came, went, was absolutely amazing, beautiful, and just about perfect (a little issue with massive amounts of Grand Marnier in the frosting of the cake being the biggest hitch).  One big thing was missing though, my period.  A few weeks later and still no signs of "Aunt Flo" and we popped out to the drugstore for a home pregnancy test.  SURPRISE it was +, tried a second one (just to be sure) and still +.  Okay, okay home tests are sketchy so I'll see a Doctor and still + (holy shit we have a little one on the way).

Parenting went from a theoretical to an onrushing conclusion in the space of 2 supermarket tests and a little bit of wee.  Our plans for Egypt were quickly squashed and arrangements for a crib, a place for the baby to sleep, and natural childbirth vs. C-section moved into its place.  When we were far enough along for the ultrasound to (relatively) accurately predict the gender of our rapidly growing lump we cheated and chose to have the doctor tells us.  It's A Girl and it's not twins (thank god).  We continued our preparations and in July 1999 our daughter announced she was finished cooking and ready for the outside world.  The plan was for a vaginal birth (epidural included please), but this did not suit our little girl and after quite a lot of pushing (and not getting anywhere) plans were changed to an urgent/emergent C-section.

She was beautiful but a little cone-headed because of all the pushing and like all babies she knew how to get what she needed day and night.  We learned fast and we all survived (and even thrived).  She hit all of her milestones and of course we thought she was brilliant and going to change the world (we still think she is going to change the world and she's doing everything possible to make those around her see the same things).

During our initial discussions about having children we decided that we wanted them to be fairly close together age-wise and not more than 3 years apart if we could help it.  So, sometime around Fall of 2000 I stopped my birth control pills and we let fate decide when our next child would come to us. It didn't take long at all when we figured out Child 2 was on the way.  Again we let ultrasound take a peek for us and our little boy was willing to give the doctor the perfect flash of parts to let us step up our planning.  Since the birth of our daughter was fairly traumatic for all involved we decided it would be safer to schedule a C-section (all measurements showed William was going to be bigger than his sister so caution made sense), and by having all of my 'lady' parts hanging out after he was extracted it also allowed them to quickly and easily 'tie my tubes' to prevent future pregnancies.

Our son was beautiful, amazing, and loud, and with his birth I was now mom of a newborn and a toddler (what were we thinking) and learned the art of juggling like a pro.  By this time we were living in a very rural part of Colorado but made frequent trips to town to give them chances to socialise before they were old enough for school.

My daughter was fairly healthy but needed a couple of surgeries to fix some common childhood issues.  Her brother decided to make things more interesting by having some pretty complicated medical and behavioural issues that kept us on our toes and making frequent trips to town (an hour away) and to Denver (2 1/2-3 hours away) for specialist visits.

The local school was small enough to be Pre-Kindergarten - 12th grade in one building and was where my husband had started teaching.  At one point my whole family was together in the same school for a majority of the day.  Both kids did great in school and really thrived in the small class sizes.  After my husband completed his Master's degree we moved to a whole new corner of the state and into a "real" town with less than a mile between houses and even a McDonalds (amazing how easily amused we were).  The kids moved into much bigger schools and my daughter adapted no sweat but things were a little rougher for our son because of his special needs (but he did okay to start).

Being in a small town suited us all and made getting services for Will much easier.  We still took frequent trips to Denver for specialists (now 4 1/2-5 hours one way) but his day to day medical care could be handled a few blocks from home.  Will was also able to get involved with Special Olympics as an athlete in multiple sports (track and field, bocci ball, and bowling) and Jessica became a youth leader(?) and helped him and the rest of the team when she could.  They made an amazing pair and she was the best at reading him and knowing when he was running out of energy or getting overly excited, and she knew the easiest ways to intervene.

School was a place our daughter excelled!  She even used a program of concurrent enrolment that was offered between the high school and the local community college to graduate with both her high school diploma and an associates degree, all within a week or so of each other.  She also participated in multiple extracurricular activities through the school and continued to help with Special Olympics. She has gone on to University (the same Uni her father and I met at -- small world huh) working her way towards a history degree and certification to teach special education (told you she was going to change the world).  Just this term she is starting her student teaching, working on her senior thesis, and working as many hours as possible at an on campus job.  She will finish in Spring of 2020 and will go on to even greater things than she has accomplished so far.

School for William was a place to go, be with his friends, and learn some social skills.  Educating him is a huge challenge because he knows what he knows and those special things that excite him he knows enough that he can teach others about them (if you can keep up with him).  If it's not exciting to him or not presented in the perfect way it just does not make it through his filters, so it becomes frustrating to all involved. The school district was also not equipped to take on his medical needs and from middle school on it became a constant fight just to keep him safe while there.  So we made the decision this past Fall that he was better off getting real world skills than rereading Animal Farm or continuing to fight to learn division, so we unenrolled him from public school.  He has been able to participate in a jobs program that has introduced him to some of the types of work available in town and he loved it.  He also interviewed and was hired for a position that will have him learn about a local attraction, and once tourists start coming back he'll lead tours of it.  At Christmas he was able to share a very lengthy introduction after only having read an article online.  He'll do great.  He currently lives with his grandmother and helps take care of her, the cats and the house.  In the Fall when he turns 18 we'll start looking for the best place for him to be whether that continues to be in the town he's in now or in a larger city that may have more resources that will allow him to continue to grow and live semi-independently at some point.  He is an amazing person and when you consider all that he has overcome it is truly remarkable.  He makes an impression on everyone he meets and is going to take on the world and leave a mark wherever he lands.

Parenting started for us like it does for all parents, I think, it was theoretical and of course we imagined the best case scenarios for our children but you know what we got better than that from both of them.  They have blossomed into amazing young adults and have so much potential for the future it's immeasurable.  They will leave a legacy that we never could have fathomed.  We started our family a little earlier than originally planned but what we ended up with could only have been provided by fate.  Jessica and William are moving out into the world beyond our day to day influence but they remain the best of us.  Our family is strong and has endured much and now we get to watch as they make their mark on the world around them.

Cheers!
Getting ready to go through TSA screening on their way to visit us for the holidays.




Monday 4 February 2019

Medication and the Elixirs of Life

I originally started a post that was going to take on the whole of the NHS, medications and hospital visits in one go, but as you can imagine this turned out to be way too much for one post.  So I'm going to start with what I interact with most on a daily basis and work from there.

Because my Husband and I are here in this lovely country as guests, on a visa that allows him to study here for the next 3-4 years, we are not automatically included in the NHS but had to pay a very reasonable yearly fee (£150 per person per year) for coverage.  On top of this fee we purchased a prescription plan (£100 per year) so that my medications would be covered for the first year and that we will most definitely renew.

Medications are turning out to be one of the biggest challenges I've faced since arriving.  As soon as we knew for sure we were coming here we started reaching out to Drs we had corresponded with previously to find out how to make the transition as easy as possible.  We sent them lists of the medications I was taking and except for one that is available here but not used for the same reason it seemed like things were going to be okay.  We prepared for the lag time in meeting Drs and getting prescriptions sent in by arranging to bring 90 days worth of prescriptions from Colorado, so things were not desperate at any point in the prescription waiting game.

My first physician interaction was at my assessment by the Community Mental Health team. Towards the end of the assessment the Community Practice Nurse left the room with my medication list in hand and returned with the Psychiatrist who would be handling my care.  Right away I knew things were going to be changing dramatically with my medications.  She started out saying that two of my medications were not available at all in the NHS, both were ones I considered crucial but now I would have to work on weaning off of from my private stock. There were also concerns based on the extremely high doses I take of several medications, so one of the P-Doc's goals would be reducing those doses, ideally until I could be weaned off of them completely.  The goal for my psychiatric medications is to find ways to get me as stable as possible and start withdrawing medications in a controlled way so the weaning can be stopped at the first signs of increasing symptoms.  The practice of throwing meds at me hoping for improvement with more and more complicated treatment regimens is not the way things are done here (and I'm reminded it of frequently). Instead, I will be taught how to cope with symptoms and triggers and when I can take at least some control over my mental health the medications will be reduced and eventually removed.   I'm already on fewer medications than when I came here and lo and behold I'm improving, so maybe their system works.

On the physical health side of things, changes were made as well because again we were told that some of the medications I was on were not available at all or that are very rarely used and at different doses than I was taking.  It didn't seem to matter that the one thyroid med had made drastic differences in my mood stability when it was added around 9 months before we landed, they only had a higher dose available and it was not routinely used.  It is also a bad sign when the Drs, RNs, or Chemists can't pronounce the medication.  I have used pain medication for years because of my Fibromyalgia and osteoarthritis, with occasional dips into my stocks for my chronic headaches.  I had heard that low dose codeine paired with paracetamol would be available OTC here and so weaned off of the last of the narcotics when landed.  For most days a couple of doses of this Co-Codamol is enough to decrease my pain to the point I can be as active as possible.  I have been referred to a pain clinic for an evaluation and I'm just trying to make it until the mid-March appt and see if there are any new options.  I'm willing to try just about anything to keep my pain levels below a 5 out of 10 for most days, and manageable for the rest of the days.

When we first went into one of the local pharmacies to purchase basic OTC medications (paracetamol, ibuprofen, cold medicines) we were amazed by how little they cost.  A box of paracetamol with 16 tablets runs around 20 pence, and even cold medications are less than a pound. Other than the bottle of aspirin my husband brought home the other day all of the other medicines have been in boxes and the medications inside are the kind you push through the foil backing to get them out.  I haven't found a specific reason for this type of packaging for everything, but because while my son was visiting some of his tablets either exploded (kind of like popped kernels of popcorn) or melted (became sticky or just started disintegrating) our theory is that this kind of packaging protects the medication from the constant high humidity levels.  I kind of like the cards of meds they are much easier to pack in a bag either for a day trip or overnight.  The biggest exception to this is my medications that are delivered in a medi-box weekly.  The pharmacy prepares my medications for the week into daily compartments that are divided for morning, mid-day, tea time, and bedtime.  They then sort my meds into each compartment and a seal is put over the top that allows me to punch out the appropriate meds at their scheduled time.  It really is a handy feature and it allows my husband to not have to sit and sort meds for an hour or so each week.

The paper boxes themselves have a really cool feature in that there is braille lettering on all of them. No one in our family is in need of this feature, but having it there and that it is so universal is brilliant and is another area where the U.S. needs to catch up a little.

I've been told (repeatedly) that I am an anomaly to be on so many medications at such an early age, but it is what is necessary to keep me going and as healthy as possible.  Between my prescription meds and those we pick up OTC I'm on a regimen that helps me stay safe and satisfied with what is going on in life at any given moment.  The NHS has made caring for medications almost effortless and even the ones we add out of private stock are perfect cost wise and in availability.  I'm trying to prepare for a time when many more of my medications are withdrawn, but I'm trying to take it one day at a time.

Cheers!