The plan was to wait "awhile" after the wedding to start our family and we talked about travelling to Egypt, Europe, the UK, and anywhere else we had ever dreamed of visiting. We knew that we would try to do things very differently from our families of origin (staying together and not marrying psychopaths were on that list). In general we acknowledged that we had no clue how to be good parents but we would try to not "f*ck up the kids" to the best of our abilities.
October 24, 1998- Came, went, was absolutely amazing, beautiful, and just about perfect (a little issue with massive amounts of Grand Marnier in the frosting of the cake being the biggest hitch). One big thing was missing though, my period. A few weeks later and still no signs of "Aunt Flo" and we popped out to the drugstore for a home pregnancy test. SURPRISE it was +, tried a second one (just to be sure) and still +. Okay, okay home tests are sketchy so I'll see a Doctor and still + (holy shit we have a little one on the way).
Parenting went from a theoretical to an onrushing conclusion in the space of 2 supermarket tests and a little bit of wee. Our plans for Egypt were quickly squashed and arrangements for a crib, a place for the baby to sleep, and natural childbirth vs. C-section moved into its place. When we were far enough along for the ultrasound to (relatively) accurately predict the gender of our rapidly growing lump we cheated and chose to have the doctor tells us. It's A Girl and it's not twins (thank god). We continued our preparations and in July 1999 our daughter announced she was finished cooking and ready for the outside world. The plan was for a vaginal birth (epidural included please), but this did not suit our little girl and after quite a lot of pushing (and not getting anywhere) plans were changed to an urgent/emergent C-section.
She was beautiful but a little cone-headed because of all the pushing and like all babies she knew how to get what she needed day and night. We learned fast and we all survived (and even thrived). She hit all of her milestones and of course we thought she was brilliant and going to change the world (we still think she is going to change the world and she's doing everything possible to make those around her see the same things).
During our initial discussions about having children we decided that we wanted them to be fairly close together age-wise and not more than 3 years apart if we could help it. So, sometime around Fall of 2000 I stopped my birth control pills and we let fate decide when our next child would come to us. It didn't take long at all when we figured out Child 2 was on the way. Again we let ultrasound take a peek for us and our little boy was willing to give the doctor the perfect flash of parts to let us step up our planning. Since the birth of our daughter was fairly traumatic for all involved we decided it would be safer to schedule a C-section (all measurements showed William was going to be bigger than his sister so caution made sense), and by having all of my 'lady' parts hanging out after he was extracted it also allowed them to quickly and easily 'tie my tubes' to prevent future pregnancies.
Our son was beautiful, amazing, and loud, and with his birth I was now mom of a newborn and a toddler (what were we thinking) and learned the art of juggling like a pro. By this time we were living in a very rural part of Colorado but made frequent trips to town to give them chances to socialise before they were old enough for school.
My daughter was fairly healthy but needed a couple of surgeries to fix some common childhood issues. Her brother decided to make things more interesting by having some pretty complicated medical and behavioural issues that kept us on our toes and making frequent trips to town (an hour away) and to Denver (2 1/2-3 hours away) for specialist visits.
The local school was small enough to be Pre-Kindergarten - 12th grade in one building and was where my husband had started teaching. At one point my whole family was together in the same school for a majority of the day. Both kids did great in school and really thrived in the small class sizes. After my husband completed his Master's degree we moved to a whole new corner of the state and into a "real" town with less than a mile between houses and even a McDonalds (amazing how easily amused we were). The kids moved into much bigger schools and my daughter adapted no sweat but things were a little rougher for our son because of his special needs (but he did okay to start).
Being in a small town suited us all and made getting services for Will much easier. We still took frequent trips to Denver for specialists (now 4 1/2-5 hours one way) but his day to day medical care could be handled a few blocks from home. Will was also able to get involved with Special Olympics as an athlete in multiple sports (track and field, bocci ball, and bowling) and Jessica became a youth leader(?) and helped him and the rest of the team when she could. They made an amazing pair and she was the best at reading him and knowing when he was running out of energy or getting overly excited, and she knew the easiest ways to intervene.
School was a place our daughter excelled! She even used a program of concurrent enrolment that was offered between the high school and the local community college to graduate with both her high school diploma and an associates degree, all within a week or so of each other. She also participated in multiple extracurricular activities through the school and continued to help with Special Olympics. She has gone on to University (the same Uni her father and I met at -- small world huh) working her way towards a history degree and certification to teach special education (told you she was going to change the world). Just this term she is starting her student teaching, working on her senior thesis, and working as many hours as possible at an on campus job. She will finish in Spring of 2020 and will go on to even greater things than she has accomplished so far.
School for William was a place to go, be with his friends, and learn some social skills. Educating him is a huge challenge because he knows what he knows and those special things that excite him he knows enough that he can teach others about them (if you can keep up with him). If it's not exciting to him or not presented in the perfect way it just does not make it through his filters, so it becomes frustrating to all involved. The school district was also not equipped to take on his medical needs and from middle school on it became a constant fight just to keep him safe while there. So we made the decision this past Fall that he was better off getting real world skills than rereading Animal Farm or continuing to fight to learn division, so we unenrolled him from public school. He has been able to participate in a jobs program that has introduced him to some of the types of work available in town and he loved it. He also interviewed and was hired for a position that will have him learn about a local attraction, and once tourists start coming back he'll lead tours of it. At Christmas he was able to share a very lengthy introduction after only having read an article online. He'll do great. He currently lives with his grandmother and helps take care of her, the cats and the house. In the Fall when he turns 18 we'll start looking for the best place for him to be whether that continues to be in the town he's in now or in a larger city that may have more resources that will allow him to continue to grow and live semi-independently at some point. He is an amazing person and when you consider all that he has overcome it is truly remarkable. He makes an impression on everyone he meets and is going to take on the world and leave a mark wherever he lands.
Parenting started for us like it does for all parents, I think, it was theoretical and of course we imagined the best case scenarios for our children but you know what we got better than that from both of them. They have blossomed into amazing young adults and have so much potential for the future it's immeasurable. They will leave a legacy that we never could have fathomed. We started our family a little earlier than originally planned but what we ended up with could only have been provided by fate. Jessica and William are moving out into the world beyond our day to day influence but they remain the best of us. Our family is strong and has endured much and now we get to watch as they make their mark on the world around them.
Cheers!
Getting ready to go through TSA screening on their way to visit us for the holidays.
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